


The Darkness of my Soul

by ylje



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Demons, M/M, Puzzleshipping, Romance, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 13:57:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylje/pseuds/ylje
Summary: Yugi begged him to stay, and the doors to the afterlife closed before Atem could go through. Now he's stuck in the modern world, alone, separated from his old friends forever, trying to find peace in the world the love of his life doomed him to.





	1. Chapter 1

_The doors opened, and a bright light flooded the tomb. He could see his friends standing there, waiting for him. Mahado was smiling, one hand on Mana’s shoulder, keeping her from running at him. He took a step forward, tranquillity washing over him._

_Suddenly Yugi’s arms were around his waist, holding him tight._

_“Don’t go, other me. Please.”_

_Atem couldn’t see his face, as it was buried in his chest, but he could hear the tears in Yugi’s eyes. For one second, he hesitated._

_“Aibou…”_

_The light began to fade._

_He put his arms around Yugi._

_“I have to go. The courage you showed when you accepted this battle ceremony showed me the path I must take.”_

_“But I… I’m too weak. You’ve always been my goal. I always wanted to be strong, like you… for you… other me…” came Yugi’s muffled voice from Atem’s now wet shirt._

_“You’re not weak, and I’m not the ‘other you’ anymore. You are no one but yourself, the only Mutou Yugi in the world.”_

_Atem reached around his back, lightly gripping Yugi’s hands to try to ease his way out of the embrace. Yugi wouldn’t let go._

_The doors slammed shut._

_“No!” Despair overcame him, and Atem fell to his knees, dragging Yugi down with him._

 

Atem sat up. His neck hurt.

Sleeping on the floor wasn’t comfortable, but he’d rather be near Yugi than comfortable on the living room couch. He looked over at Yugi, who was sleeping soundly in his bed. His heart filled with love and resentment, the same strange mix of feelings he always got when looking at him ever since they’d returned from Egypt. 

Yugi was all he had left in this world. Sure, the others were kind and friendly, and had welcomed him with open arms as ‘the other’ Yugi… But he wasn’t Yugi anymore. 

He was Atem.

The others pretended like nothing had changed, but things _had_ changed. They didn’t know him anymore. The only one alive who knew him, who truly knew him, was Yugi.

Atem sighed. He felt empty inside. Lonely. His friends were long dead, and he’d been denied his only chance to see them again. It felt strange having his own body, no longer sensing Yugi in his heart. A piece of him was missing. 

Atem rose and walked over to the bed. He sat down on the edge, careful not to disturb his partner. He lightly caressed Yugi’s cheek.

“Aibou…” he whispered.

Yugi sleepily opened his eyes.

“Other me?”

Atem smiled. It warmed his heart every time Yugi used his old nickname.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” he said softly.

“It’s okay. You can’t sleep?”

“No.”

“Come here.”

Yugi scooted over, and Atem slid underneath the covers to lie beside Yugi.

Yugi put his head on Atem’s chest and snuggled in close.

“Other me.” he mumbled, falling back to sleep.

Atem lay there, listening to him breathe, feeling his warmth. He closed his eyes.

 

\------------------------------

 

“I’m late for school!”

He startled awake as Yugi scrambled over him to get out of bed. Placing his hands behind his head, Atem watched with an amused smile as Yugi almost fell over trying to walk and put on his pants at the same time.

“Don’t forget your backpack!” he called after Yugi as his partner hurried out the door.

Atem, now alone in the bedroom, stared up at the ceiling and sighed. Emptiness and loneliness pressed down upon him. This part of the day was the worst. With Yugi in school, he was left alone with his thoughts. And his memories. It was torment. Normally he busied himself by helping Sugoroku in his shop, but today he had other plans.

 

Atem was walking through town, looking in the store windows as he walked past. The millennium puzzle, the symbol of his and Yugi’s connection, had been lost during the ceremonial duel. Although Atem knew that their bond would never break, he felt detached from Yugi now that they no longer shared a body. He wanted something, anything, to remind him of their bond. Something to show the world that they were still connected. And something to show Yugi his love.

He arrived at his destination, a small jewellery shop, and entered. Sugoroku had insisted on paying him for his work in the game shop, despite Atem’s protests, and he had managed to save up a not inconsiderable sum.

Atem was browsing the shop when the proprietor, a young woman, approached him.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes. I’m looking for… a necklace, maybe?” he said hesitantly.

The woman smiled knowingly.

“For a special someone?”

“Yes.” Atem’s words caught in his throat and came out as a strangled wheeze. 

_‘A special someone…’_

The words echoed in his head, their meaning overwhelming and at the same time not nearly enough to describe his feelings.

The woman led Atem to the cashier’s desk and disappeared into the back room. A minute later she returned with a showcase filled with necklaces. Most of them were hearts, some with inscriptions like “I love you” or “Forever yours”.

“This is my favourite.” the woman said and held out a simple necklace with a golden heart-pendant. “We can engrave it if you wish.”

Atem frowned.

“Actually, none of these seem right.”

“They’re very popular. Or maybe your girlfriend doesn’t like hearts?”

“It’s for a boy.” Atem said, matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” The woman looked a bit shocked. “I see.”

He’d seen this reaction before; looks and whispers from passers-by as he held Yugi’s hand, averted eyes and grunts of discomfort as they hugged. It seemed the rules of friendship had changed in this modern world. Granted, there were more behind his actions than friendship, but nothing Atem did would’ve been viewed as shameful in his time. Apart from last night. A small smile crept up on his lips as he remembered Yugi’s warmth against his chest, and he wished immensely for the chance to have Yugi in his arms like that again.

“I think I’d like something inscribed, though.” Atem said pensively, “Do you have anything else you can do that on?”

The woman nodded before quickly gathering up the necklaces and going to the back room again. When she returned she had another case with her. She placed it on the desk for Atem to see. It contained simple plates of different kinds of metals, some round and some rectangular. Atem fell for a small, rectangular silver plate, no larger than his thumb.

“This one.” He pointed towards it.

“Very good.” The woman gave a small smile and held the pendant out for Atem to inspect it. “And what would you like engraved?”

Atem thought for a moment.

“Do you have pen and paper?”

The woman reached under the desk and produced a notepad and pen. Atem drew the wadjet-symbol, and then wrote his name in hieroglyphics, followed by an approximation of Yugi’s name.

“I need two. Both with the wadjet on one side,” he pointed to the eye, “and one name on each one.”

The woman took the notepad and looked at it, confused.

“I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Can it be done?”

“Yes, but it’ll take at least a week. If you leave your contact information, we’ll call when it’s ready.”

“Very well.”

Atem wrote down the address and phone number of the game shop, paid, and left.

 

\------------------------------

 

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor, you know.”

Yugi was lying in his bed, watching Atem undress.

“I told you, aibou, I’d rather be close to you than comfortable.”

“No, I meant… You can sleep with me.” Yugi said, blushing, his heart pounding fast in his chest. He had rehearsed this conversation all day in his mind, but not until the words left his lips did he realize their double meaning. 

Atem looked at him, stunned.

“In my bed, I mean.” Yugi’s blush deepened, and in his mind, he was screaming at himself. He’d been too forward, he had failed.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“You won’t.” Yugi fiddled with his pajama-shirt. _‘Please please please’_

Atem nodded and crept into bed with him. Yugi’s breath caught in his throat. It worked! It had worked! He was so close, in nothing but his underwear.

Yugi absentmindedly trailed a hand over his other self’s chest, too enveloped in their closeness to be aware of what he was doing.

“A-aibou?”

The blush that had left Yugi’s face returned with a vengeance. He turned to face the wall, embarrassed of his unwitting action.

“Hold me.” he whispered after a while.

Atem rolled over onto his side and snaked an arm around Yugi’s waist, pulling him close to his chest. Yugi’s face burned as he felt himself get hard. He couldn’t help it. His other self was so close, so warm. He wished he didn’t have his pajama on, so he could feel his other self’s skin against his own. He pressed his butt against Atem’s crotch.

Atem didn’t react. Yugi felt disappointed. He knew he was just a child in Atem’s eyes, but he wished with all his heart that Atem would see him as a young man. As someone to desire. Yugi wanted to turn around and kiss him, yearning to feel Atem’s hand on his throbbing dick. He didn’t move. Those actions would only happen in his dreams.

Atem’s breaths were slow and heavy, he must’ve fallen asleep.

“I love you.” Yugi whispered.

“I love you too, aibou.”

Yugi’s heart skipped a beat after hearing those words, then he sighed.

_‘Not in the way I want you to.’_ he thought forlornly.

 

\------------------------------

 

Atem woke to a face full of Yugi’s hair. He inhaled deeply, savouring the sweet scent, and placed a light kiss on his head. Their legs were tangled together, and Atem could feel something hard pressing against his thigh.

“Oh.” Realization dawned on him.

He knew this was just a bodily function on Yugi’s part, that had nothing to do with lust, but Atem still felt himself harden. He rose abruptly and went to the bathroom, ashamed of his dirty mind.

The hot water ran down his body, singeing his skin. Atem shuddered slightly as he relished the pain. Yugi had told him on multiple occasions that he didn’t understand how Atem could stand the hot water.

Yugi.

Desire and shame, another familiar mix of feelings, washed over Atem as he grabbed his still hard cock and started stroking it slowly, thinking about Yugi’s erection against his thigh.

He wished Yugi was there with him, kneeling before him and looking up at him with his beautiful purple eyes, water running down his face as he licked the tip of Atem’s cock. He increased the pace as he felt himself nearing his climax, jerking his cock roughly. 

He came with a low groan, finding no satisfaction in his release. He rested his forehead against the wall of the shower, letting the hot water cascade down his back.

That would never happen. It _could_ never happen. He was a 3,000-year-old empty husk, out of place in this modern world.

Resentment built up in him, and he clenched his fist.

_‘Why did I hesitate?’_

His fist slammed into the wall.

“Are you done soon?” Yugi asked impatiently from the other room, startling Atem out of his thoughts.

“I’ll be right out.” he answered through gritted teeth, the shame of his earlier actions and his resentment not in the least lessened by the throbbing pain emanating from his knuckles.

 

Yugi’s eyes widened as Atem stepped through the door. He was completely naked, droplets of water glistening on his skin and running down his lean but muscular form.

“All yours.” he said, towelling his hair.

Yugi was frozen in place, he couldn’t stop staring. His eyes wandered over Atem’s body, over his abs and down his stomach toward-

Yugi snapped his eyes up to Atem’s face. He had seen him naked many times before; when you had shared a body, privacy was of little concern, but he was always taken aback by how perfect his other self was. He really did look like a living god.

“Aibou?"

Yugi blinked. _‘Right, the bathroom.’_

 

\------------------------------

 

Yugi couldn’t focus. He was sitting in class, staring out the window. He could hear the teacher’s voice, but couldn’t make out the words.

_“No, wait! Mahado, come back… no…”_

Atem had talked in his sleep last night. Barely audible, nothing more than a pained whisper in Yugi’s ear. Yugi wondered if he did that often. His other self had been different since Egypt. The fire in his eyes had dimmed a little, replaced by a sadness he tried to hide. And something else. Yugi couldn’t place it. A strange look that always flashed in Atem’s eyes whenever he looked at him, gone as quickly as it came.

Yugi sighed. He hated that his other self was keeping something from him.

_‘You’re no better.’_ came an unbidden thought.

But that was different. Telling Atem how he felt about him would only complicate things. Yugi felt confident his other self didn’t feel the same way, as all his not-so-subtle hints had been ignored.

Yugi let out another sigh. Here he was, wallowing in self-pity, while Atem was struggling with something he wouldn’t even talk to Yugi about. Yugi knew he could just ask, but he didn’t want to push him, hoping instead that Atem would tell him in his own time. He was also hoping that that time would be soon.

 

\------------------------------

 

He was nervous. The necklaces clinked in his pocket as he made his way home. He stuck his hand in his pocket, feeling the cool metal against his fingers.

_‘How am I going to do this? Just give it to him, or wear my own and wait for aibou to ask about it? Maybe leave it on his bed and say nothing?’_

 

As Atem entered the bedroom, he smiled at the mess that greeted him. The bed he’d made that morning now had crumpled covers, and clothes and books were strewn all over the floor. Yugi was like a tiny hurricane – wherever he went, mayhem and disarray followed. Atem straightened out the bed covers. 

_‘So he isn’t home. Maybe that’s for the best.’_

As an afterthought, Atem placed his partner’s necklace under his pillow.

 

\------------------------------

 

Yugi climbed into bed, nervous anticipation creeping up on him. He had decided to leave his pajama-shirt off tonight, hoping to feel his other self’s skin against his own. He lay on his side, watching Atem undress. This was one of the highlights of his day, the only two things better falling asleep with and waking up to Atem in his bed. He stuck his arm under his pillow, to better support his head, and felt something cold against his skin. He sat up, moving the pillow to see what it was. A small silver pendant gleamed in the moonlight flooding in through the window.

“What’s this?” he asked and picked it up.

“I see you found it.”

Yugi looked up to see Atem smiling at him.

“What is it?” Yugi studied the pendant in his hands, twisting it and tracing the etchings with his fingertips.

“A gift.” Atem sat down beside him.

“What does it say?” Yugi asked fascinated, unable to take his eyes off the pendant.

“On one side is the wadjet, that symbol you recognize. On the other side…” Atem took Yugi’s hand in his own, sending small sparks of electricity through Yugi’s body. “This says A… te… m.” He guided Yugi’s fingers over the hieroglyphs as he spelled it out.

“It’s beautiful.” Yugi’s voice was a whisper.

“I have one too.” 

Yugi watched as Atem reached over to the bedside table, moving a book and picking up a necklace, holding it up for Yugi to see. It was identical to his own.

“It’s almost identical.” Atem said, as if he’d read Yugi’s thoughts. He took the pendant in his hand and flipped it over to the side with hieroglyphs. Yugi saw that the symbols were different from his own.

“What does it say?”

“Yugi.”

Yugi felt his heart flutter.

“Why?” he asked.

Atem looked confused.

“Why did you give me this?” Yugi clarified.

Atem averted his eyes, looking down at the pendant in his hand.

“With the puzzle gone, I thought…” He didn’t continue.

“It’s weird, having separate bodies.” Yugi said.

Atem nodded.

“And with this, we’ll never be apart.”

Atem didn’t say anything, he just wrapped his arms around Yugi, holding him tight.

 

\------------------------------

 

_“I know one thing for certain. As long as you have the puzzle, I can exist in this world.”_

_Yugi, who was seated on the bed looked at his other self. He didn’t want to hear this._

_“Enough.” he said._

_“But I…”_

_“Enough already!” Yugi shot up from the bed, eyes brimming with tears._

_“I want to be with you forever. I don’t care if I don’t get my memories back.”_

_Yugi stumbled forward._

_“Me too… I’ll always… I… I’ll give you all_ my _memories!” Tears fell down Yugi’s face._

_Atem took Yugi’s hand and looked into his eyes._

 

Yugi jerked awake. The teacher was glaring at him disapprovingly.

“If you feel confident enough to sleep through class, then perhaps you should teach it instead, Mutou.”

Yugi’s face grew red, and he stared down at his desk. “N-no. I’m sorry.” he said meekly.

“Then pay attention, and maybe you’ll get better test scores in the future.” Some of the students snickered at the remark as the teacher returned his focus to the whiteboard.

Even though embarrassment burned in him, Yugi quickly lost focus, instead looking out the window while idly toying with the pendant around his neck.

_“I want to be with you forever.”_

Yugi remembered the conversation well. It was the first time he’d been confronted with the possibility that Atem might leave him. It was also the time when Yugi had realized that he was in love with Atem.

He ran his thumb over the grooves of the pendant.

Atem…

_‘Is it still true?’_

Atem had given him the necklace as a sign that they would never be apart, but Yugi wondered if that was what Atem truly wanted.

_“Mahado, come back!”_

Yugi felt a weight around his heart. Atem had talked in his sleep again.

_‘Was it wrong of me to keep him here?’_

Sometimes, he seemed so sad. But the necklace… And Atem had one too, with Yugi’s name on it. Yugi couldn’t help the little stirring of happiness amidst his worry at the thought of that. That Atem wore his name over his heart.

 

“Yugi? Earth to Yugi!”

Jounouchi’s voice tore him out of his thoughts.

“Class is over. Are you gonna sit here and stare the rest of the day?”

“Oh.” Yugi stood and followed Jounouchi out of the classroom.

“So what’s on your mind anyway?” Jou asked as they headed to their lockers.

“It’s my oth- It’s Atem.” It still felt weird to say his real name out loud.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen him for a while. How’s he doing?”

“Fine.” Yugi didn’t want to say too much.

“Yug?” Jounouchi knew him well enough to know when he was hiding something. 

Yugi sighed.

“I don’t know… He just seems… sad sometimes.”

“Maybe it’s because he hasn’t had enough time with my beautiful face lately.” Jounouchi said with a grin.

Yugi fingered his pendant. 

“Maybe…” He wanted to believe Jou.

“Hey, what’s that?” Jounouchi asked curiously.

“What?” It took Yugi a moment to understand what Jou was referring to. “Oh, the necklace? It’s…” Yugi blushed. “It’s something Atem gave me.”

“Really?” Jou gave him a mischievous smile. He took the pendant from Yugi’s hand and leaned in close to inspect it. 

“This is the symbol from the millennium puzzle.” He turned it around. “What’s on this side?”

“Oh, it’s…” Yugi’s blush intensified.

“Come on, tell me!”

“It says ‘Atem’.” Yugi said quietly.

Jounouchi let go of the pendant and straightened, letting Yugi see that his smile had returned to a grin.

“I see.” was all he said before he started walking again.

“What?” Yugi followed him, half-jogging to catch up.

“What?” he asked again.

“Nothing.” Jou said, still grinning.

 

\------------------------------

 

Atem looked up as he heard the door of the game shop open. He had been busy rearranging the cards on display in the monitor, grouping them together by which shrine they had been in back home. In the distant past.

“Hi! What are you doing?” Yugi went over to him and inspected his work.

“I’m sorting the cards. How was school?”

“Sorting them how? The order doesn’t make any sense.”

_‘Not to anyone alive, anyway.’_ Atem thought bitterly.

“School was fine.” Yugi continued cheerily. “I’m going to meet Jou at the arcade. Do you want to come?”

Atem thought for a moment. He wasn’t in the mood to go out, but he also didn’t want to be alone. He was about to decline when Yugi took his hand.

“Please?”

“Fine, but only because it’s you asking.” Atem said, a small smile forming on his lips. Yugi knew exactly how to play him.

“Great!” Yugi smiled widely. “I’ll go change out of my uniform, and then we can go.”

Atem laughed quietly to himself as Yugi ran up the stairs. His dark mood from a few moments ago was already starting to dissipate.

_‘Aibou, if you only knew the power you hold over me.’_

 

As they walked down the street, a comfortable silence between them, Yugi grabbed his hand and swung it back and forth in time with their steps. A warmth spread through Atem’s body at the touch.

“You’re happy today, aibou.” he remarked with a smile as he looked down at him.

“I’m not allowed to be happy?” Yugi asked playfully.

“No. I don’t like it, stop it immediately.” Atem said, frowning in mock-annoyance.

“Anything my _pharaoh_ commands.” Yugi said and squeezed his hand, still smiling.

Atem laughed and looked up at the sky, trying to hide the slight blush on his cheeks. Yugi rarely called him pharaoh, and Atem was ashamed to admit that hearing it excited him.

“I’m just glad you decided to come.” 

Atem faced Yugi again at hearing his words.

“Anything my aibou commands.” he said and winked.

 

The arcade was busy as always, bustling with the sounds of excited conversations and noises from machines.

“Yug, Akkun! Over here!”

They made their way over to Jounouchi who was sitting at a table in the back, waving at them frantically.

“Akkun?” Atem asked disapprovingly as they sat down.

“Well, your name is a pain in the ass, and it was the best I could come up with.” Jounouchi said with a sheepish grin.

Yugi giggled.

“Call me that again and you won’t live to regret it."

Yugi burst out laughing as he saw Jou cower under Atem’s icy glare. A moment later Jounouchi was laughing to, and Atem was smiling.

Atem leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, about to say something.

“You have one too!” Jounouchi said delightedly at the sight of Atem’s necklace, which had fallen out from inside his shirt at his movements.

“Hm? Yes.”

“What does yours say?”

Atem smiled and gave Yugi a quick glance. “Yugi.” he said, fondly.

“And Yugi’s says ‘Atem’. Very romantic.” Jou said teasingly and grinned.

“What? No! It’s-” Atem started.

“No! That’s not-” Yugi exclaimed at the same time. They shared an uncomfortable glance as Jounouchi laughed.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

Yugi glared at Jounouchi with an “I’m gonna kill you”-look, while Atem did anything not to look at Yugi.

 

“So, how’s it going?”

Jounouchi and Yugi was in the middle of a Mortal Kombat-match, while Atem stood a few machines over, engrossed in some strategy game.

“How’s what going?” Yugi asked, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Seducing the pharaoh.”

“Sedu- what?!” Yugi looked up at his friend, mortified.

“K.O.” announced the game.

“I win!” Jou declared with a grin.

“Not fair! You distracted me with… with…” Yugi was blushing so hard he was certain smoke would come out of his ears any second.

“Oh, come on. It’s obvious. You’ve spent the whole day making puppy-dog-eyes at him.” Jounouchi teased.

“You’re the dog here.” Yugi muttered.

Jou playfully punched him in the shoulder. “I’m gonna ignore that, just this once.”

Yugi stuck out his tongue in response.

“But seriously, how’s it going?” Jounouchi asked curiously.

“It’s not.” Yugi said and looked down, still blushing. “And don’t say I should tell him how I feel.”

“Who said anything about talking? You should just push him against a wall and kiss him. Actions speak louder than words.” Jounouchi was grinning as Yugi looked up at him.

“I- I could never do that.” Yugi stammered. “And if I did he would go back to sleeping on the floor.” Yugi felt like fainting when he realized what he had said. It had just slipped out.

“And where exactly has he been sleeping?” Jou asked, a devious look on his face.

“No-nowhere.”

“With you?!” Jou could barely contain himself. “Yug, that’s great! He totally has the hots for you!”

“What? No!”

“What do you mean ‘no’? That necklace… Come on, Yug! It’s obvious.”

“It’s a symbol of our bond, that we’re together even in separate bodies.”

“Uh huh.” Jounouchi was grinning so wide that his face was about to split. “More like a symbol that he wants to be _in_ your body.”

Yugi wanted to sink through the floor. 

“Stop teasing.”

“I’m not.” Jou said, still smiling, but with a hint of seriousness in his voice.

“He could never be in love with someone like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jounouchi had lost his smile and now looked annoyed.

“I’m, you know… he would never think of me in that way.”

“Don’t put yourself down like that, or I’ll have to punch you.” Jounouchi was completely serious now.

“I’m just being realistic.” Yugi mumbled.

“Realism is for suckers. Do you think I would’ve gotten through Duelist Kingdom if I’d been realistic?”

“I don’t think you would’ve made it through without my help.” Yugi teased, jumping at the chance to change the subject.

Jou laughed, his seriousness from a second ago gone.

“That does it! Now we’re playing dirty!”

Jou turned to face the crowd in the arcade.

“Hey, everybody! Yugi and Atem, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-” Yugi tackled him with all his strength.

“Shut up! People will hear you.” he cried, panicking. Jou just laughed.

“Relax, it’s so loud in here, no one heard a thing.”

“What are you two talking about?” came a familiar deep voice behind Yugi.

Yugi spun around and found Atem smirking at them.

“Nothing!” Yugi exclaimed.

“You.” Jounouchi said at the same time.

Yugi turned to stare daggers at his friend, but Jou just laughed.

 

\------------------------------

 

_“Very romantic.”_

Atem had heard the last bit of their conversation, Jounouchi teasing Yugi about him and Atem being together. Yugi’s horrified expression lingered in his mind.

_‘Very romantic indeed.’_ he thought bitterly.

He had already known that him and Yugi would never happen, he’d told himself as much more times than he could count, but seeing Yugi’s reaction to the idea had still hurt. Atem had put on his best game face, hiding his feelings, but he was certain Jounouchi knew. The looks he’d received had told him as much.

_‘What if he tells Yugi? Maybe I should talk to him… No, that will only make matters worse. If I leave it at this, at least he won’t know for certain.’_

Atem sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was tired. The loudness in the arcade, his worrying over what Jounouchi may or may not do…

“What are you thinking about?”

Atem opened his eyes to find Yugi looking at him, an opened textbook in his lap.

“Nothing. Go back to studying.”

“Other me… You can tell me.” Yugi sounded concerned.

“Really, it’s nothing. I just need some air.” Atem said, irritated, before exiting the room without another word.

 

_“That was rude.”_

Atem was walking briskly through the park, not really seeing his surroundings. In his mind, he was somewhere else.

“Leave me alone. You’re not real.” he hissed.

_“Then why are you talking to me?”_ Mahado asked, his long legs giving him no trouble keeping up with Atem’s high pace.

Atem didn’t respond. All he felt was loneliness and frustration. He and Mahado kept walking in silence, the sand dunes around them whispering in an unknown language.

_“My pharaoh…”_

Atem shot Mahado a hostile glance.

_“Atem.”_ Mahado corrected himself, sadness in his soft gaze. _“You should tell the boy how you feel.”_

“No, I can’t.” Atem’s voice was growing unsteady. “What can I offer him? Nothing!”

Mahado was looking at him with pity. 

Angry tears welled up in Atem’s eyes. He stopped dead in his tracks, fury building up inside him.

“I’m dead inside! Just as dead as you!” he screamed.

A loud screeching sound, and Mahado started to fade into the desert, sand and wind carrying him away.

An impact, and everything went black.

 

\------------------------------

 

_“Wha-what are you doing? It’s not becoming of a prince to-”_

_Atem released Mahado’s arm, an angry bruise already forming around the two pricks from the snake’s bite. He spit out the poison he’d sucked out, a mix of bitterness and iron filling his mouth. He smiled._

_“What’s the difference between you and me?” he asked._

_Mahado stared at him, shocked but grateful._

_“Atem…”_

_“Mahado!” Mana clumsily flung her arms around Mahado’s neck, tears and snot running down her nose. “Don’t die!”_

_Atem rose and gently eased Mana away from his friend._

_“He’s going to be fine.”_

_“Do you promise?” Mana asked between hiccups, looking up at him._

_“Yes, I promise.” Atem said and smiled._

_He almost fell over when Mana pummelled into him, arms around his waist in a death-grip._

_“Thank you.” she said into his stomach._

_Atem looked at Mahado, who was still sitting on the ground._

_“You’re on your own.” he said, grinning._

 

\------------------------------

 

Yugi had been crying for hours, he had no tears left. His face was red and swollen, and he was curled up in a chair, dry sobs accompanying his every breath.

“Other me… please… wake up.” he whispered. 

He didn’t want to look at Atem, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

Atem’s face was a mess of bruises, dried blood clumping in his hair, and another trail of blood coming from his ear. Yugi let out a whimper. The doctor had said that he’d been lucky, escaping with relatively minor injuries, except for his head. They wouldn’t know how bad it was until he woke up.

_‘If he wakes up.’_

The machines that were hooked up to Atem’s chest, monitoring his heartbeats, beeped at regular intervals. The rhythm had become sweet music in Yugi’s ears, each beep telling him that Atem was still alive. It’d been four hours since Yugi had gotten the call.

_“Hello, is this the Mutou residence? Yes your… brother..? has been in an accident.”_

Yugi hadn’t heard a word after that. He’d dropped the phone, letting it swing from its cord without hanging up, and rushed out the door.

 

\------------------------------

 

_“Oh, what’s this? It’s pretty!”_

_“Mana, give that back!”_

_Atem was lying on his bed, watching Mana as she rummaged through a chest full of things from their childhood. She held up a small silver pendant. Atem didn’t recognize it, but he felt that it held great meaning to him._

_“I said, give it back.” He sat up._

_“No, it’s mine now.” Mana said happily and let herself fall onto the bed, legs dangling over the edge._

_“Hey, something’s written here.”_

_She inspected the pendant closer._

_“Jugi. What’s a jugi?”_

_“It’s a…” Atem started. Something gnawed at the back of his mind._

_‘No, it’s not Jugi, it’s…’ he thought._

_“Yugi.”_

_It was a strange name, but he knew it was a name. And it felt right in his mouth._

_“Yugi.” Mana repeated._

_“Yes. It’s a person, I think.”_

_“I’ve never met anyone with a name like that. Why do you have this?”_

_Atem frowned, trying to remember._

_“I don’t know.”_

_“Maybe it’s a cute harem-girl you had a crush on.” Mana teased._

_“W-what? No! I would never… have sex with someone who felt forced.” Atem was horrified that she would even suggest that, joke or not._

_“Or maybe it’s because you like boys.” Mana grinned._

_“I do not! You know I’ve slept with-”_

_“Prove it.” Mana suddenly sat up, looking at Atem with a serious expression._

_“What?” he asked, confused._

_“Prove it. Kiss me.”_

_“Kiss… you?”_

_Mana blushed, but there was determination in her eyes._

_Atem didn’t know what to do, he felt like he’d walked right into a trap. Mana was beautiful and brilliant, despite how young and girlish she seemed to be to those who didn’t know her. But she was one of his oldest friends._

_‘But maybe that’s not a bad thing.’ he thought. ‘She knows me. The true me, not just as the prince.’_

_“Okay.” he said quietly._

_Mana looked at him, her lips quivering, and her eyes filled with expectation. Atem leaned forward, slowly, until he could feel Mana’s hot breath on his face. He looked into her eyes. They sat like that for a moment, his heart beating fast, the tension in the air almost suffocating. As their lips finally met, Atem closed his eyes. It was a gentle kiss, sweet and soft. He slid his tongue in between Mana’s slightly parted lips, seeking her tongue out with his own. It was soft, and warm, and tasted of cinnamon and cloves._

_As they broke apart and Atem opened his eyes, beautiful purple met his. Yugi’s face was slightly flushed, his blond bangs falling over his eyes._

_“Aibou.” Atem whispered, happiness and contentedness washing over him._

 

“Aibou…”

Yugi jumped out of his chair and hurried to Atem’s side, taking his hand.

“Other me?” Yugi said with a trembling voice, filled with hope.

Slowly, Atem opened his eyes. He blinked a few times.

“Where are we?” he asked groggily and bewildered. “We were home. Where did the sun go? The sand?”

“Other me…” Yugi felt tears of relief forming in his eyes. “You were-”

“It doesn’t matter, you’re here with me.” Atem slurred happily. “Kiss me again.”

Yugi’s breath caught in his throat. _‘He wants me to kiss him?’_

His heart pounded in his chest, threatening to break free from his ribcage with elation.

“Then we’ll go back to the palace.”

Atem’s slurred words shattered Yugi’s dream.

_‘Palace. Sand. I should’ve known. A dream of some long-lost lover.’_

His heart sank. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and they were tears of sorrow.

 

\------------------------------

 

_“We were home… …go back to the palace…”_

_‘Home… palace… He doesn’t want to be here.’_

Yugi was sitting on the bathroom floor, his knees against his chest and his head in his hands. He could hear Atem’s light snores coming from the bedroom.

“A concussion, but nothing serious.” the doctor had told him, before sending them home.

Yugi wanted to disappear. His stomach was a clump of lead, his throat choked up so hard he could barely breathe.

_‘I did this. The sadness in his eyes… it’s because of me. He wants to go home.’_

The thought that his other self didn’t consider this his home, didn’t consider Yugi home, caused silent tears to run down his cheeks. 

Then, another thought struck him. A terrible thought.

_‘What if it wasn’t an accident?’_

Yugi didn’t want to think it, but the thought echoed in his mind, refusing to leave.

“He wouldn’t…” Yugi whispered.

_‘Would he? Would he leave me?’_

Yugi didn’t feel sure, and he hated himself for it. Atem, his bold and beautiful other, was the strongest person he knew.

_‘He would never give up.’_ Yugi told himself.

But for the first time in his life, he didn’t quite believe it.

 

\------------------------------

 

“The doctor told you to take it easy for at least another week.”

“I’ve already spent one week being useless.” Atem protested. “At least let me cook. Sugoroku will be gone for two more weeks, and I can’t stand another day of junk food.”

“Fine.” Yugi glared at him. “But you’re not going shopping. Write me a list, and I’ll buy the groceries.”

Atem smiled in his small victory.

“As you command, aibou.”

 

“This is really good!” Yugi said, mouth full of food. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“I have many hidden talents,” Atem said and winked at him, “one of them being that I’m able to eat like a normal person.”

Yugi blushed, well aware that he’d been stuffing his face.

“Can’t help it, too good.” he said between bites.

Atem gave an amused chuckle.

 

“You don’t have to help me, you know. Sit down and rest instead.”

Yugi was elbows deep in dishwater, scrubbing away at a plate. Atem stood by his side, towel in hand, ready to rinse and dry the dishes as Yugi handed them to him.

“I like this, working side by side.” Atem said with a smile and nudged Yugi with his elbow.

Yugi handed Atem the plate, and Atem held it under the running tap, watching small rivers of foam running down the porcelain and swirl in the sink. As he turned to put the plate away, the room started spinning. Atem took a stuttering step to the side, trying to steady himself, and his knees gave way.

A loud crash, and Yugi turned around in alarm.

Atem was on his knees, surrounded by shards of the now broken plate.

“Other me!”

Yugi dropped down on one knee and placed a tentative hand on Atem’s shoulder, worry consuming him.

“I’m fine, aibou.” Atem said weakly, resting his head in his hands.

“You’re not! You need to lie down.”

Yugi took Atem’s arm, draping it over his shoulders, at the same time wrapping his own arm around Atem’s waist. Leaning into Atem’s armpit with his shoulder, Yugi braced himself.

“We’re going to stand up now.”

 

It was a slow and awkward shuffle, with Yugi practically dragging Atem to the couch. As he tried to place Atem down, Yugi felt the last bit of his strength slip away.

They both fell, crashing into the soft cushions, Yugi on top of Atem.

“Are you hurt?” Yugi, stomach to stomach with Atem, looked worriedly at his other self. He started to ease out of Atem’s weak grip.

“No.” Atem wrapped his arms tighter around Yugi. “Stay.” he whispered.

Yugi placed his head on Atem’s chest, allowing himself to get lost in the other’s warm embrace. They lay in silence, Yugi’s head rising and falling with Atem’s breaths.

 

_“My prince… your… your father…”_

_Atem froze as he heard Shimon’s voice behind him. He didn’t want to turn around. If he kept staring out the window, everything would be fine._

_Out of the corner of his eye he saw Shimon walking over to stand beside him._

_“Atem…” Shimon put a hand on the prince’s shoulder, forcing him to turn and face him. “Your father is dead.”_

_Atem shut his eyes tight, trapping the tears that threatened to fall._

_Shimon squeezed his shoulder comfortingly._

_No one spoke._

_After a while, Shimon left, leaving Atem alone with thunder in his head and a silent scream upon his lips. He sank to the floor, shaking uncontrollably as burning tears forced their way through his closed eyelids._

_Then he felt a small hand cupping his cheek, carefully wiping away his tears._

_“You’re not alone.” came an angelic voice._

_Atem opened his eyes and saw shimmering purple gazing down at him. He wrapped his arms around the angel’s waist, burying his face in its shirt._

_“You’re never alone.” Yugi whispered as Atem cried._

 

Atem woke to something heavy pressing down on him. His legs and back were aching. Disoriented, he blinked a couple of times before getting his bearings.

Yugi was lying on top of him, pinning him to the couch. Atem could hear him mumbling something in his sleep, but it was too faint to make out.

“Aibou.” Atem said softly, lightly shaking Yugi’s shoulder. It pained him to wake his partner, but the stiffness in his limbs was quickly becoming unbearable.

“Mmmmh…”

Yugi began to stir.

“Did I fall asleep?” he asked sleepily, his big eyes glazed over and not fully focused.

Atem couldn’t help but chuckle, his partner too cute to ignore, making Yugi bounce on his chest, waking him up from his drowsiness.

“We both did.”

Yugi slowly sat up, making Atem wince as the movement sent needles of pain shooting through his legs.

“Sorry!” Yugi scrambled to his feet at the sight of Atem’s pained expression.

Atem wriggled his toes, trying to get the blood pumping in his legs.

“It’s fine.” he said with a smile, a slight frown on his face the only sign of his discomfort. “It was nice… waking up like that….”

Yugi ran a hand through his hair, the beginning of a blush spreading on his face. It mirrored Atem’s own embarrassment of the words he’d spoken.

“How do you feel?”

“Fine.” 

No more needles pricked his legs.

“No dizziness?”

Atem sat up and slowly shook his head.

“No.”

“Good.”

Yugi seemed relieved.

“Is it okay if I use the bathroom first?”

Atem nodded.

As Yugi exited the room, a voice resounded in Atem’s mind.

_“You’re never alone.”_

Atem ran his thumb over the pendant’s inscription, tracing Yugi’s name.

_‘Never alone.’_

 

By the time Atem entered the bedroom, Yugi was already fast asleep. He was lying on his side, facing the room, and a few strands of his blond bangs had fallen across his face. 

Atem quietly approached the bed, careful not to wake his partner. He was about to lie down, but changed his mind. Instead, he leaned over Yugi and gently brushed the hair out of his face.

He looked so peaceful, eyes closed and lips slightly parted.

“You belong to me…” Atem whispered, leaning in closer, “…and I belong to you.”

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t help himself.

He had to know.

Know how it felt.

Just once.

He pressed his lips against Yugi’s.

Soft. They were so soft.

A warmth spread through Atem, emanating from his heart and flowing through his veins, reaching every last part of his body.

He could stay like this forever.

Reluctantly, he broke the kiss, still staying close enough to feel Yugi’s warm breath on his face.

_‘Never alone.’_

 

\------------------------------

 

“You’re letting me win!”

“Huh?” Yugi blinked up at a frustrated Jounouchi.

“Don’t patronize me by not playing your best.”

“I’m sorry.” 

Yugi sighed. 

“I have a lot on my mind.”

Jounouchi’s irritated frown melted into a concerned look.

“What’s wrong?”

Yugi glanced around the sparsely populated classroom.

“Not here.”

“Roof?”

“Roof.” Yugi nodded.

 

It was late afternoon, and the sun was already setting. A cool autumn breeze ruffled Yugi’s hair and clothes, slipping its cold fingers in under his jacket and making him shiver. Tears were at the corners of his eyes. To anyone else they seemed to be the result of the wind, but Yugi knew they stemmed from the anguish and despair in his heart.

He shot Jounouchi, who was standing beside him in silence, eyes on the city below, a quick glance before opening his mouth.

“So…”

_‘How am I going to say this?’_

Jou didn’t move, giving Yugi time to formulate his thoughts.

“The… accident…”

Yugi took a deep breath.

“Do-you-think-maybe-it-wasn’t-an-accident?”

The words fell from his mouth in a fast but quiet mumble.

“Yugi.”

Yugi didn’t dare look at Jounouchi. A firm hand on his shoulder, and Jounouchi jerked him around to face him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jounouchi asked loudly. He looked furious.

“He wouldn’t do that to us! We’re his friends!” Jounouchi was yelling now.

Yugi winced and squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating a blow.

No punch.

No words.

No movement.

Only the wind.

Yugi opened his eyes.

Jou had his clenched fist raised, seemingly forgotten. His expression was saddened, his eyes filled with pity.

“He would never leave _you_.” Jounouchi said softly.

Tears streamed down Yugi’s face.

“He was about to. After the duel.”

“But he didn’t.”

“Because I stopped him. I took the choice away from him!”

Jounouchi didn’t answer.

They remained standing like that, Jounouchi with one hand on Yugi’s shoulder and the other in a raised fist, Yugi looking up at his friend, while the cold wind stung his tear-streaked face.

“Talk to him. Ask him.” Jounouchi said, finally.

 

\------------------------------

 

The pendant was cold against his bare chest, but Atem didn’t want to remove it, even when going to bed. As he stepped out of his pants, he looked over at Yugi, who was lying in bed, happily noting that he, too, had kept his necklace on.

Like every night for the past few weeks, Yugi was watching him undress. And like every night, his big, beautiful eyes held a look in them that Atem was unable to decipher. Yugi had taken to sleeping shirtless, something that drove Atem crazy. Each night, he had to stop himself from the urge to run his hands over Yugi’s naked chest.

 

“Can we spoon again?”

They were lying in bed. It was late, but neither of them seemed able to sleep.

Atem felt a strain of panic at the question. The last time, Yugi had accidentally pressed himself against Atem’s crotch, and it had taken every ounce of his willpower to not get hard. But he didn’t want to refuse his aibou. He placed his arm around Yugi’s chest, dragging him close, careful not to let anything below his waist come into contact with Yugi.

Atem soaked in the warmth of Yugi’s body so close to his own. He nuzzled the nape of Yugi’s neck.

“This is nice.”

Yugi didn’t respond. He tensed in Atem’s embrace.

“Are you happy?” came a whisper.

“Hm?” Atem was too caught up in Yugi’s skin against his own, his wonderful scent surrounding him, to register the question.

“Are you happy… here?” Yugi whispered again.

Atem didn’t know what to say.

Tears started forming in Yugi’s eyes, he took Atem’s silence as a “no”.

“Do you… want to… leave?” Yugi could barely get the words out.

He felt Atem clench and unclench his jaw.

“No. Why are you asking me this?” Atem’s voice was low, each word he spoke carefully weighed.

“I…” Yugi couldn’t continue. The tears started flooding from his eyes and he sobbed uncontrollably, making his whole body shake.

“Aibou.” Atem hugged him tighter. “I will never leave you.”

“Do you promise?” came Yugi’s garbled words between sobs.

“I promise.”

“So the accident… was an accident?”

Atem felt like he’d been slapped in the face.

“What?” His question came out in a hiss as his chest constricted. He sat up abruptly.

Yugi rolled over onto his back and faced him, tears still streaming from his eyes.

“I- you-” Atem couldn’t speak.

Anger welled up inside him. He clenched his fists so hard that crescents of blood formed in his palms.

“You think so little of me? That I would- would-” His voice steadily grew louder, his vision flashed red.

Yugi looked at him with a terrified expression, holding his breath.

“You are the only light in my life, the only reason I can bear to be in this cursed world!”

Atem was yelling now, a blinding rage filling him.

“The only one who truly knows me. And you think I would kill myself?”

He got up on his feet, afraid he would harm Yugi if he remained close.

He got dressed and stormed out the door, leaving a terrified Yugi frozen in place.

Atem knew he was hurting him, but was too furious to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you a million times over my lovely [UGLI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettiugli) , without whom this story would never have seen the light of day. Go read her amazing stuff if you haven't already!  
> And please leave kudos and comments if you liked it (or comment even if you didn't, I'm always looking for opinions on my writing, no matter what kind), it will make my day!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains some dark and heavy subjects, so if you're sensitive, please read with care.

A bitter taste burned its way down his throat as he tossed back the last of the amber liquid.

“Another.” He slammed the glass firmly down onto the counter.

The bartender refilled his glass, and as Atem took another long swig, a sultry voice rang out beside him.

“You look like you could use some company.”

Atem turned his head to find a woman in her early twenties smiling coyly at him. Without waiting for an answer, she sat down beside him, one leg crossed over the other, the slit in her already short skirt revealing a shameless amount of skin. Atem grunted and turned back to his drink.

“Bad day?”

Atem jerked as the woman put a well-manicured hand on his arm.

“Don’t touch me.” he growled through gritted teeth.

The woman smiled in acknowledgement but didn’t remove her hand. His annoyance rising, Atem studied her. 

She was pretty enough, with long, blonde curls and soft green eyes, the heavy make-up on her face taking away from her natural beauty. She was leaning forward slightly, giving Atem a full view down her low-cut top. A black lace bra cupped her breasts, pushing the soft flesh up enticingly, inviting him to touch it.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Atem didn’t bother to look her in the eyes as he spoke.

“Huh?” The woman, who was clearly startled by his straightforwardness, had difficulty forming her question.

Atem sighed, his annoyance rising by the second. He met her gaze.

“Look, I don’t have time for games. You clearly approached me because you find me attractive. So, do you have someplace we can fuck, or not?”

The woman stared at him, astonished.

“I live nearby.” she said quietly, blushing.

“Let’s go then.” Atem swallowed his drink in two big gulps before standing.

The woman, who seemed to have regained some of her confidence, snaked her arm through his.

“What’s your name?” she asked, smiling once more.

“Not important.” Atem said, and started walking towards the door.

“What do I call you then?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay, Mr. Nothing.” The woman gave a short laugh in amusement. “Then you can call me-“

“Don’t care.” Atem cut her off, and dragged her out into the night.

 

They entered a small apartment, nothing more than a room with a small kitchenette off to one side.

“Yeah, I know it’s not very nice. I’m in college, so-“

“Take off your clothes and get on the bed.” Atem snapped at her, not interested in anything she had to say.

“Oooh, bossy! I like it.” she teased with a seductive smile.

She crawled onto the bed and slowly pulled her top over her head, while suggestively grinding her hips. Atem grit his teeth, trying to quell his annoyance, and quickly stripped. As he approached the bed, stark naked, the girl had just finished removing her bra. She looked at his flaccid penis in disappointment.

“You didn’t like my little show?” she asked, her confidence failing.

“I did not.” Atem answered icily and grabbed her by the hair.

“Suck.” he commanded, and yanked her down.

She obediently opened her mouth and trailed her tongue along his length. As her velvety tongue covered his cock with hot saliva, Atem began to harden. It was not so much from arousal, as from a bodily response to the stimulation. He closed his eyes, tightening his grip on the fistful of hair he imagined to be black with red tips. As he let himself get lost in his fantasy, he became more and more aroused. When he felt Yugi’s soft lips closing around his cock, Atem thrust forward, shoving his cock in until he felt his tip hit the back of Yugi’s throat.

A strangled cough and sputter, a hand clawing on his, and he opened his eyes. 

The girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes, clawing desperately at his hand, signalling for him to pull out. Atem gave a disgusted grunt and withdrew, annoyance and anger quickly replacing his arousal. His erection throbbed disapprovingly as warm lips were replaced by cold air.

_‘This was a bad idea, I should leave.’_

He turned around and started walking towards his clothes.

“Wait!” The girl had a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to leave, I just wasn’t prepared for you to go so deep.”

Atem tried to shake her off, but she tightened her grip.

“Fine.”

All the rage Atem had held back came crashing down on him. He grabbed the girl by the wrist and shoved her into the wall, face first. Leaning into her hard, he shoved a knee between her legs and forced them apart.

“You want my cock this fucking badly, I’ll give it to you.”

“Wait, stop! You’re being too rough.” There was panic in the girl’s voice.

She tried to push herself away from the wall with her free hand, but Atem easily grabbed it and twisted it behind her back, pinning it there using the hand already holding her other wrist. With his now free hand he yanked up her skirt to reveal a small pair of black lace panties, which, to his amusement, were dripping wet.

“You’re a desperate little slut, aren’t you?” he growled into her ear, before tearing them off.

“Those were new!” the girl protested, fear now evident in her voice.

Atem’s cock throbbed excitedly at this.

_‘Yes, be afraid. Be fucking afraid of the darkness you invited.’_

He rubbed his cock between her legs, feeling it slicken with her juices. The girl squirmed beneath him.

“You have to use a condom. They’re-“

“Shut. the fuck. up.”

Atem shoved the shredded panties he was still holding into her mouth. He had wanted to hear her beg him to stop, to not hurt her, but her shrill voice was too annoying.

The girl was frantically shaking her head, muffled protests trying to make their way out of her mouth. Atem pushed her trapped wrists upward, watching tears form in her eyes from the pain.

“Yes.” he hissed gleefully, and entered her.

Atem grit his teeth as the warm walls of the girl’s pussy enveloped him.

_‘This is… disappointing.’_

She had stopped moving. No reciprocation. No struggle. No sound.

Atem gently kissed her neck, sending a shiver through her body that could be felt by his cock. Atem smiled against her throat, and bit down, hard. The girl gave a muffled shriek, and her pussy contracted around Atem’s cock.

_‘Yes.’_

He pulled out slowly, keeping his teeth firmly clamped over her throat, and thrust into her roughly.

Another pained sound escaped the girl, and Atem tasted blood in his mouth. He kept thrusting into her, harshly, at a fast pace, pushing her wrists up with each thrust, earning another pained clutch of her pussy each time. 

He licked the blood off her neck, the sweet taste making his blood boil with lust, and continued biting his way down to her shoulder, piercing her skin with every bite. Blood was all he could smell, and with the scent of the dreadful girl before him gone, he could almost imagine Yugi under him.

Almost.

Another thrust, and Atem pulled out completely. He heard Yugi gasp in relief, but didn’t spare him a glance. All he had eyes for was Yugi’s ass.

He used his free hand to spread Yugi’s cheeks, revealing a pink and twitching little asshole, just waiting to be filled. Atem rubbed his cock, already slick with the girl’s fluids, over it. Yugi gave a terrified whimper, and Atem almost came.

“Not yet. I will not come until you scream.”

He shoved himself into Yugi’s hole, and was rewarded with the sweet sound of a cry. It was music in his ears.

_‘Fuck, that hurt.’_

Even though Atem’s cock was wet, Yugi’s ass was dry and unprepared.

It didn’t matter. Atem knew the small amount of pain he felt was nothing compared to what Yugi was feeling.

He pulled out before slowly pushing back in, the searing pain turning into pleasure at the thought of the pain Yugi must be feeling.

“Do you feel this, Yugi? This pain? This is my vengeance.”

He turned his gaze to Yugi’s face, and saw tears streaming from his eyes.

Atem laughed.

“Yes! Cry.”

He leaned forward and licked the tears from Yugi’s cheek, leaving a trail of blood in their place.

Atem started thrusting mercilessly, Yugi’s hole pulling him in deeper each time.

“You’re so tight. Have you been saving yourself for me?” he growled, yanking Yugi’s hair to expose the side of his neck that was not yet covered in bites. The soft white skin shimmered in the low light, begging Atem to tear it apart.

“You belong to me.” he whispered, before sinking his teeth in deep, and let the blood fill his mouth.

The burning friction had lessened as Yugi’s asshole now accepted him more willingly. Atem kept thrusting hard, getting lost in the warm tightness. Yugi was shaking with tears, screaming in pain. Though muffled, Atem could hear the shouts were begging for him to stop, and the sweet sound sent ripples of ecstasy through his body. Each sob sent an electric shiver through Atem, making him grunt in pleasure as it reached his cock. 

Yugi’s back was covered in blood, and Atem marvelled at the sight. He trailed his tongue over Yugi’s back, towards the shoulder blades, lapping up the blood as he went. As the taste of sweet iron hit his tongue, it transformed into a fire that raged through his body, making its way down to meet the electric current that was coursing from his groin. As they collided, lightning struck and set Atem’s nerves aflame. He came violently, his release accompanied with a sound more akin to a vicious snarl than any human sound.

He pulled out and took a step back, letting go of the girl. She sank to the floor, unmoving on her knees, facing the wall.

Her blonde hair was matted with blood, her neck and shoulders a mess of bites, blood running down her back, and blood-mixed cum was dripping from her ass, pooling on the floor beneath her.

Atem couldn’t breathe. He got dressed in a daze, and stumbled out the door. He’d barely made it to the street when he fell to his hands and knees, his stomach constricting painfully, and vomited. What came out of him looked like tar.

_‘This is it. My true self. This darkness.’_

 

\------------------------------

 

He woke up shivering, his whole body aching and his head pounding with an angry hangover. He rose to his feet and surveyed his surroundings.

The dumpster he’d been curled up against had done little to protect him from the drizzling rain, and the stench of urine was prevalent in the shabby alley. It seemed that even strays avoided this place, and there wasn’t a single rat, or even a cockroach, in sight.

_‘This is where I belong, a piece of trash rotting away in the gutter.’_

He was about to sink back down to the ground, to become just another speck of dirt to be washed away by the rain, when Yugi’s smiling face flashed before his eyes.

_“You’re never alone.”_

Atem gripped the pendant around his neck so hard that his knuckles turned white.

_‘I don’t deserve to see him, ever again.’_ he thought bitterly.

But even as this thought reverberated through his head, his feet shuffled forward, his body drawn to Yugi like a moth is drawn to a flame.

 

\------------------------------

 

Yugi was out of his mind with worry.

He rubbed his tired and swollen eyes, biting back another burst of tears that threatened to spill forth. His face was a mess of dried tears and snot, his cheeks red and raw from the salt his tears had left behind. His body ached, and he was so, so tired. He’d been up all night, the argument playing over and over in his head.

_“You think so little of me?”_

_“You are the only light in my life, the only reason I can bear to be in this cursed world.”_

Yugi winced as the sun spilled forth from behind the rooftops, blinding him and contrasting the grey rain that was smattering against the window.

_“I will never leave you.”_

“But you did.” Yugi whispered miserably.

He shot up from his bed with a jolt as he heard the front door slam.

“Atem!” he cried hopefully as he bolted down the stairs. The sight that greeted him at the door made him freeze in his tracks.

A dripping wet and ragged-looking Atem stood before him, shoulders hunched and eyes cast down. There was dried blood in the corners of his mouth, and Yugi’s nostrils stung with the overpowering stench of iron and urine.

“Wh-what happened?” Yugi asked shakily, dread rapidly filling him.

Without a word, Atem headed up the stairs. 

Yugi nervously followed him into the bedroom.

“Other me?” he asked carefully.

Atem stripped himself of his wet clothing, his back toward Yugi.

“Please, look at me.”

Atem still didn’t turn around. Yugi moved forward and put a tentative hand on Atem’s arm. Atem tensed under his touch, the muscles of his back flexing visibly. Slowly, Atem turned.

Yugi gasped at the grizzly sight before him, his knees turning weak, barely managing to support him.

“You’re hurt.” Yugi’s eyes filled with tears.

Atem’s chest was covered in blood, trailing down his stomach and legs.

“I’m not hurt.” It was a barely audible whisper.

“But the… the blood…” Yugi strained to get the words out, his mind flooding with terrible images of what might have happened.

Atem grit his teeth, his jaw muscles clearly outlined under his skin, the tendons in his neck protruding with the rigidity of steel bars.

“It’s not mine.” A low growl.

Yugi’s mind went blank with relief, Atem wasn’t hurt! Then he choked on his breath, one thought ringing in his mind.

_‘If it isn’t his blood, then who’s blood is it?’_

“I… did… Let me clean up before I tell you.”

Yugi barely heard Atem’s words. He nodded in a daze, not realizing that he was alone in the room.

 

Atem watched as the brownish-pink water ran down his body and pooled around his feet, before disappearing down the drain. He hadn’t moved since he’d stepped into the shower. The hot steam around him made it hard to breathe, and it felt like the scorching water cascading down on him was boiling him alive. After what seemed like an eternity, he reached for the soap.

He furiously scrubbed his body, going from using palms to fingers, and finally nails. White lines formed on his pink skin in the wake of his nails, quickly turning into angry red marks, stinging painfully as they were hit by the hot water.

He hated himself. This was his punishment.

The searing pain awoke something in him, a dark and desperate lust that flowed through his body and made his cock harden.

He hated himself.

_‘What is wrong with me?’_

_“Nothing.”_ came Mahado’s voice from the back of his mind. _“This is who you are. Darkness. Pain. That is all you have to offer, all you can be.”_

No.

No, that couldn’t be true.

“Leave me alone!” he screamed as he sank to his knees, the tears rolling down his cheeks burning like acid, the words echoing in the shower, creating thousands of tiny voices mocking him.

_“Leave me alone.”_

 

Yugi was pacing back and forth, nervously wringing his hands, when he heard the scream. Filled with worry, Yugi ran to the bathroom door and pounded on it frantically.

“Other me? Other me!”

He rattled the door handle, and realized that it was unlocked. He burst into the room, out of breath and panting, a cold sweat running down his back.

Atem was slumped down on the shower floor, unmoving. Without hesitation, Yugi ran to Atem’s side and wrapped his arms tightly around him. The water was painfully hot, and soaked through Yugi’s clothes, making them chafe and cling uncomfortably to his body, but he didn’t care. Atem was stiff as stone, the only sign that he wasn’t a statue the rapid heartbeat Yugi felt against his chest, along with the tears rolling down Atem’s cheeks. Yugi didn’t know what to do, he felt helpless and afraid, so he simply stayed with his unresponsive other, embracing him tightly.

 

_Blood._

_There was blood everywhere._

_Mahado lay at his feet, coughing up blood, a large gash in his throat spewing forth more of the red liquid. Atem reached out a hand toward his friend, and froze. In his hand was an ornate dagger, its hilt golden and inlaid with gleaming rubies, the blade dripping with blood. His friend’s blood. The dagger clattered to the floor, and Atem ran out of the throne room._

_He could feel the fresh air of the courtyard, just one more step._

_A delicate hand gripped his tanned arm, and Atem looked down. Mana was on her knees, one arm across her belly, trying desperately to keep her guts from spilling out. Atem jerked his arm out of her grasp, a powerful wave of nausea welling up inside him. He fled through the doors, out into the fresh air, Mana’s words calling out behind him._

_“Why did you do this?”_

_Atem ran until he reached the palace wall, no longer able to contain the sickness that churned within him._

_He fell to his hands and knees as black bile spew forth from his lips. He hulked, feeling his throat constrict, but the black bile kept coming. It formed a pool around him, and he began to sink into the blackness. He was waist-deep when a small hand gripped his arm and dragged him out. Atem looked up at his saviour. It was the angel. The angel with purple eyes._

_Atem shakily rose to his feet, his once white garments now a black mass that clung to his legs. He gently trailed his fingers over the angel’s cheek, his caress leaving a black smear on the white skin._

_The dagger was back in his hand, its blade screaming for blood. Atem gazed deeply into Yugi’s sparkling eyes as he plunged the dagger into his heart, watching silently as the life drained out of those beautiful purple eyes._

 

A guttural scream broke the silence, and Yugi’s heart leapt up to his throat. An elbow in the stomach, and Yugi fell to the floor.

Atem had risen, his back pressed against the shower wall, as if to create as much distance between them as possible, looking down at Yugi with terrified eyes.

“Get away from me.” Atem said quietly.

“Other me…” Yugi scrambled to his feet, intending to take a step toward Atem. At his other’s pained expression, however, he stopped.

“Don’t come any closer, you’ll get hurt.” 

Atem clenched his fists, his knuckles white and his arms shaking. 

“I will hurt you.”

Yugi closed the small distance between them without a second thought, wrapping his arms around Atem’s waist, intent on never letting go.

“You won’t.” Yugi said into Atem’s chest, quietly but firmly. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

As he felt Atem relax in his arms, Yugi took his hand and carefully led him to the bedroom, not bothering to turn off the water.

 

Atem sat huddled under the covers on the bed, dripping wet, watching as Yugi rid himself of his soaked clothes.

“Can I sit with you?”

Atem gave a wary nod, both dreading and longing for Yugi’s warm touch.

Yugi crept in under the covers, snuggling up against Atem, and placed his head on his shoulder.

“Tell me.” Yugi placed a comforting hand on Atem’s thigh.

Atem closed his eyes and took a deep breath, drawing courage from Yugi’s touch.

“Last night… I met a girl. At a bar.”

Atem felt Yugi’s hand tighten on his leg.

“I’d had a lot to drink and… decided… to follow her home.”

Yugi’s grip was almost painful now.

“We started to- And I-“

Atem shut his eyes, afraid to speak his next few words.

“I… I hurt her. She said no, and I kept going. She begged me, and it only aroused me. And the blood…”

Atem shivered.

“There was so much blood.”

Yugi hadn’t moved since Atem had started speaking. Now, he lifted his head from Atem’s shoulder, as if to say something, but Atem wasn’t finished. The words, so hard to speak at first, now poured out of him.

“There’s nothing good about me. Last night showed me who I really am. What I really am. Would you like to know? What I am?”

He didn’t wait for an answer.

“I am darkness. Nothing but darkness.”

He gave a delirious laugh, at nothing in particular.

“It even poured out of me last night.”

 

Yugi’s head spun. This was too much.

He had stopped listening when Atem mentioned a girl. The thought of his other self being with some unknown woman, being with anyone but him, broke Yugi’s heart. He had stopped listening, but he had heard everything. 

What Atem was saying was impossible. It couldn’t be true, _would_ never be true.

Yugi’s every breath was a struggle. He wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything, but he couldn’t move. The world was gone, he could barely feel his own body, and there were only him and Atem.

_‘He… he…’_

“Is she still alive?” Yugi whispered with great effort, his tongue swollen in his mouth.

“Yes.”

_‘Yes? That’s all you have to say?’_

The world came crashing back down, and Yugi was overcome with an alien rage.

“You raped someone! You raped someone and now you feel sorry for yourself?!” Yugi shouted.

Atem winced at his words, but it wasn’t enough. Yugi dug his nails into Atem’s thigh, instantly regretting it as beads of blood formed around his fingers. Even through his rage, his heart screamed at him for hurting his other, but his body wouldn’t listen.

“No.” Atem grabbed his wrist and pried his hand away. “I will not infect you with my darkness. This isn’t you. You are my light.”

_“You are the only light in my life.”_

Familiar words echoed in Yugi’s mind and he went limp, his rage gone as quickly as it had come.

“I pushed you away.” Tears were now streaming down his face, and he felt nauseous. “I hurt you.”

Yugi couldn’t see anymore, the world was a wet blur.

“I hurt you again. I took you away from your afterlife, your friends, because I selfishly wished that you wanted to stay with me. And then I pushed you away…”

He trailed off as Atem’s warm hands cupped his face.

“Aibou…”

A gentle thumb wiping away his tears.

“I want to be with you forever.”

His heart beat so fast and hard it made him dizzy. His lips were trembling, aching for Atem’s kiss.

“But I can’t.”

His heart stopped.

“I don’t deserve to.”

In his mind, Yugi saw a faceless girl crying and begging and bleeding. Screaming. His feelings were in turmoil, both loving Atem and never wanting him to leave, and horrified and disgusted with him for what he had done.

“Stay.” he whispered after a long silence.

“I can’t.”

“Stay, please stay.” Yugi didn’t know how he managed to get the words out, he couldn’t breathe. “You said you’d never hurt me. If you leave, I… I don’t know how to survive.”

 

\------------------------------

 

Yugi couldn’t sleep. He’d been lying in his bed for hours, watching Atem toss and turn in what appeared to be another nightmare. Atem had gone back to sleeping on the floor, it had been a silent understanding between them. The bed felt cold and empty without him, and Yugi had the urge to curl up next to him on the floor, but something held him back.

Atem kissing a girl, gently at first, then hungrily, moving his lips lower, teasing her nipples, rubbing his hard cock between her legs.

Jealousy coursed through Yugi’s blood.

The girl, screaming, crying, begging for help.

Yugi’s stomach in knots, bile burning at the back of his throat.

How could Atem have done something like that? It was something sadistic criminals did, not the love of his life. It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

Yugi had always been certain that he’d never feel anything but hate and disdain toward anyone who would do _that_ , and yet… Now that it was someone he knew, someone he loved, he didn’t know what to feel. The clear white and black lines between right and wrong had suddenly turned into a grey huddled mess. Not only did Yugi question everything he thought he’d known about Atem, he questioned himself; his own values, his beliefs, his view of the world.

_‘I still love him. I still want him in my life. I still want him to love me the way I love him.’_

 

\------------------------------

 

Mahado had become a constant companion, this twisted mirror of his friend refusing to leave him alone, always there, always taunting him.

_“Admit it, you loved the blood. The power.”_

“No! It wasn’t… it isn’t me.”

_“You deny your actions?”_ Mahado asked with a smile, raising an eyebrow in fiendish delight.

“No.” Atem’s stomach churned, the bile in his throat threatening to spew forth.

“It’s inside me. The darkness. But that can’t be all that I am.”

Mahado laughed. The same emotionless laugh Atem had heard for weeks, the one that made him want to plunge a dagger deep into his friend’s chest.

_“That_ is _all you are, just look at what you did to me.”_

There was a gaping hole where Mahado’s right eye should’ve been, a torn mess of angry red flesh and blood, dripping down and soiling his white garments.

“Go away.” Atem whispered miserably, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing hard, forcing the bile back down.

It didn’t help, it never did. Mahado was still standing before him, he could see it through his closed eyes, one-eyed and bloody, offering him the dagger.

_“Embrace what is yours. You were the pharaoh, son of the sun, in a land where hell is made of fire. Now you’re here, where hell is made of ice, and you’re the son of darkness. Too many years imprisoned in that puzzle, you’ve lost your humanity. Bit by bit, each year chipping away at you, until only your core remained. Your true self. Your darkness.”_

“No!” Atem’s eyes shot open, and he lunged at Mahado, wrestling the knife out of his hand as they fell to the ground. He couldn’t listen to this any longer. It was a lie.

It wasn’t true.

Straddling Mahado’s chest, Atem lifted the dagger above his head. It glinted in the sunlight, turning into a flash of gold and red as he slit Mahado’s throat. A gurgling, soulless laugh escaped Mahado’s lips, and Atem drove the dagger into his remaining eye, again and again. The soft flesh yielded easily for the blade, until there was nothing more to connect with than the skull. The laughter was long gone, replaced by the sickening sound of crunching bones.

It was true.

It was all true.

Mahado wasn’t moving. Atem looked down at his hands, coated in blood which was quickly turning black, hardening around him like a dark armour.

 

\------------------------------

 

It had been three weeks since the… ‘incident’, as Yugi had chosen to refer to it. He’d barely spoken to Atem during this time, as all his attempts to start a conversation had been rapidly shot down. Atem spent his days sitting on a stool in the corner of the game shop, quietly muttering to himself, and no matter what Yugi did, Atem refused to look at him.

Why was it so hard?

Yes, what Atem had done was horrible, but he’d been having a really hard time since Egypt, so it was no wonder that he’d had a lapse in judgement, and he had been drunk. Surely, he would never have done something like that otherwise.

Why couldn’t he just move on?

All Yugi wanted was for their lives to go back to normal.

 

“Go away, you’re bleeding all over the floor.”

_“And who’s fault is that?”_ Mahado asked, while casually twirling the ornate dagger between his fingers.

Atem felt like he was the one who’d been cut open as the accusation stabbed through his heart.

“I’m sorry.”

_“Don’t be.”_ Mahado said, smiling. _“You can’t help who you are.”_

“Shut up!” 

Atem felt the darkness closing in around him. His throat constricting, every breath was pain.

“I don’t want to be like this.”

Tears blurred his vision, turning Mahado into a smear of tanned skin covered in red.

_“And how would you like to be, then?”_ Mahado asked, his tone ringing with laughter.

Atem bit his lip and closed his eyes, willing the tears back.

“Like Yugi. I want to be like Yugi.” It was barely a whisper, a silent thought caught in his exhale.

_“Ah, such an old and tragic tale.”_ Mahado said mockingly. _“The beast falls for the pure little beauty.”_

Atem tasted blood in his mouth.

“Go away.”

“No! You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, and it has to stop.”

Startled, Atem took a stumbling step back and opened his eyes to find Yugi standing before him, feet firmly apart and with a defiant look on his face.

“A-aibou…” It was the first time since his crime that he had uttered that word. With the darkness inside him, Atem had feared that speaking, or even thinking it, would tarnish it forever. Now, tasting it on his tongue filled him with a strange and warming calm.

“Aibou…” he said again, and pulled Yugi close to his chest, letting the tears he’d worked so hard to keep at bay flow freely.

 

Yugi couldn’t breathe. It was not so much that he was pressed against Atem’s chest, as the shock of Atem’s actions. After weeks of silence, hearing Atem call him aibou made Yugi’s heart tremble, and his warm embrace sent the world spiralling away.

Yugi was content to stay like this forever, just the two of them surrounded by nothingness, but the lack of oxygen soon made his body convulse, and Atem released him with a worried frown. Yugi shivered at the loss of contact, and the air burned like fire in his lungs as he took a shaky breath.

“I’m sorry.” Atem’s voice was a whisper, and Yugi watched in stunned silence the glittering tears that rolled down Atem’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

Yugi didn’t know what Atem was apologizing for; hugging him, almost choking him, or ignoring him for weeks. And Yugi didn’t care. Without thinking, he flung his arms around Atem’s neck and planted a light kiss on his lips. Yugi’s mind exploded in a white and blissful light at the warmth of those lips he’d wanted to kiss for so long. Then, the face of a crying girl flashed before his eyes, and he stumbled backwards. Shutting his eyes tight, he willed the image away.

 

Atem was frozen in place, his heart beating so rapidly it was more of a vibration than an actual beat. The soft touch of Yugi’s lips lingered on his own, and all Atem wanted was to taste those lips again.

The world was tinted white, and as Atem reached his hand out toward Yugi, it seemed like time was moving in slow-motion.

“Aibou…”

Yugi didn’t move.

“I want to kiss you.”

Yugi slowly opened his eyes. His cheeks were red, and he gave a barely perceptible nod.

Atem held his breath as he cupped Yugi’s face in his hands, and his heart was shivering in his throat. Slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips against Yugi’s.

Colours were dancing behind his eyes, the rush of his blood deafening him, and Yugi’s soft skin consumed him. He slid his tongue over Yugi’s lower lip, gentle but insisting. Yugi parted his lips, and Atem instantly sought out Yugi’s tongue. As they met, Atem’s heart stopped, and a cold laugh rang out around them. Atem jerked away and spun around.

Mahado was pinned to the wall, a sword through his chest holding him up, and he was laughing.

_“You can’t change who you are.”_

“Shut up!” Atem yelled into thin air.

“Atem?” A hand on his shoulder, and Mahado melted away into nothingness. He was finally gone. Atem turned to a concerned Yugi.

“It was… nothing.” Atem shook his head. He could see that Yugi wasn’t satisfied with that answer, but how do you tell someone you’re having a conversation with a dead friend? A friend that you killed, over and over.

Atem swallowed hard, carefully formulating his next few words.

“I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time.”

Yugi was about to speak, but Atem held up a hand, signalling for silence. He had to say this, now, before the darkness drove him mad forever.

“I have done terrible things, things that can never be forgiven, and you deserve so much better. But I will try. I will try with all my might to become a man worthy of you. And should that day come, it is my hope that you will trust me with your heart, the way I have entrusted mine to you.”

The necklace burned around his neck, searing Yugi’s name into his skin. For the first time in a very long time, Atem felt at peace. He had a purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this story took a very dark turn. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed reading it.
> 
> Thank you once again to the amazing [UGLI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettiugli) for editing this, without you this would not have been possible. <3
> 
> And thank you all for reading. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you a million times over my lovely [UGLI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettiugli), without whom this story would never have seen the light of day. Go read her amazing stuff if you haven't already!
> 
> And please leave kudos and comments if you liked it (or comment even if you didn't, I'm always looking for opinions on my writing, no matter what kind), it will make my day!


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